The Hate-Song of Prof. Barry Spurr

I suppose Universities by their nature are almost always both hotbeds of left-wing radicalism and bastions of conservative traditionalism. Unfortunately my Alma Mater, the University of Sydney, seems to be trending more towards the latter.

One of my old English Literature lecturers, Professor Barry Spurr, has placed himself in rather a lot of hot water by using his University email address to send messages which insult practically everyone under the sun, with the possible exception of educated upper-class white gentlemen such as his distinguished self. He almost deserves a round of ironic applause for the sheer breadth of his bigotry. You can read it in all of its linguistic glory on the New Matilda website, which has released transcripts of the emails to show his quotes were not taken out of context.

Have a read, then you might want to take a shower. It’s okay, I’ll wait.

Now, from my memories of Prof. Spurr and his English lectures, he did always think he was God’s Gift to Poetry and treat his students with thinly veiled contempt, so this whole kerfuffle does have an element of schadenfreude for me. My strongest recollection is his habit of stopping his own lectures to go on a five-minute rant whenever someone showed up late and snuck in quietly through the back door. Apparently this was ‘rude’ and ‘disrespectful’. It wouldn’t have interrupted anybody’s lecture if it weren’t for the Professor’s fragile ego and his need to impress on us all just how important his analysis of T. S. Eliot was.

(Look, I very much like Eliot’s poetry despite having encountered it through Prof. Spurr’s classes, but… they did use his poetry for the libretto of Cats. I’m just sayin’.)

This probably would have resulted in a somewhat more minor embarrassment for the University of Sydney if it wasn’t for Prof. Spurr’s involvement in the National Curriculum Review. ‘Cause the guy who talks about ‘Abo’s’, ‘chinky-poos’, ‘fatties’, ‘darkies’, ‘harlots’, ‘sluts’ and ‘muzzies’ is DEFINITELY the guy you call on when you want a balanced, non-biased appraisal of Australia’s teaching Curriculum for young and impressionable school students.

… Yeah.

Spurr (and I’m going to drop the ‘Prof’, as it’s a mark of respect that he doesn’t deserve) is now playing the part of a wounded victim, saying that the emails were between himself and a close friend and his privacy’s been invaded – despite the fact that the emails clearly contradict the University’s IT terms of service and despite the fact that many emails were sent to multiple high-ranking Academics and officials of the University. The thing that really makes me mad, though, is that he’s now trying to pass the whole thing off as a ‘whimsical game’ between himself and this friend.

Excuse me, did you just say… whimsical?

Dude, there’s a difference between being ‘whimsical’ and being ‘an enormous horrible douchebag’. I should know; it’s in the title of my blog. ‘Whimsical’ is at least 50% of what I do.

Whimsical would be using Eliot’s famous ‘Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock’ to examine the life and times of Mr. Spurr:

He has measured out his life in coffee spoons – a dollop of superiority, a dollop of narcissim, and copious heaped tablespoons of racism and misogyny.

Does he dare disturb the universe? Nope, it all looks like basic run-of-the-mill ignorance and prejudice to me.

He grows old, he grows old – surely he must have been born in the 1800s to hold these views? – and he shall wear the bottoms of his trousers rolled.


Anyway, he’s been suspended from the University, pending ‘investigation’. I can’t really imagine him having much of a professional career after this, no matter what the ‘investigation’ turns up. Who would want to sit in a lecture theatre and look him in the face and wonder what he’s really thinking about them? Even if this was all a linguistical game to him, who’d want to be taught the importance of words by someone who thinks this kind of crap is funny?

I’d like to think that people like Spurr are a dying breed. This is the way the world ends, you see. This is the way the world ends.

This is the way the old world ends; not with a bang, but with the whimpering of washed-up, out-of-touch has-beens.

Time’s up, bigots. Welcome to the twenty-first century.


High School Chaplaincies

Recently there was a classic post in the Sydney Morning Herald attempting to defend the role of religious Chaplains in secular schools. The author bio at the end of the article should probably have been at the beginning, since it immediately explains the author’s unsurprising bias:

Tim Mander is the chief executive of Scripture Union Queensland, Australia’s largest employer of school chaplains in  government schools.

I guess when people get their medical advice from cigarette companies and have their opinions on climate change shaped by oil companies, one more written piece of blatant bias shouldn’t really surprise me. Of course those whose businesses revolve around Chaplains are going to be in support of their positions in schools – they’d be out of a job if they weren’t.

Tim Mander makes the common mistake of assuming that atheists and secularists have pitted themselves against religious teaching in schools simply because they don’t understand the issue. What he fails to comprehend is the concept that people might understand the issue completely and still disagree with him.

I’ve been mulling over this article and thought that it might be worth going through it and tearing it apart line-by-line, since it contains some real doozies – the kind of ‘arguments’ that crop up over and over, and which make no more sense on repetition than they did in the first place.

Let’s begin at the beginning:

It’s surprising that this relatively benign decision —  to allow school  communities the option to receive federal funding for a chaplain – is so  controversial, considering chaplaincy has existed within many spheres of  Australian society for years.

1a) Basically untrue: The government funding religion in secular schools is not a benign decision. (Although, one may truthfully say it is relatively benign when compared to, say, slaughtering small puppy dogs, I suppose.)

1b) Argument from tradition: Racism has existed throughout many spheres of human society for years, as well. Does this make it a good idea and a policy worth keeping?

During recent disasters, such as bushfires, floods and cyclones, chaplains were  well accepted as providers of an important role in the multi-faceted community  response.  Chaplains have also proved valuable in more than just disaster  response. For example, the “Salvos” embody the pastoral care and spiritual  support that typifies the role, and have been a much loved part of the  Australian landscape for decades.

2) Irrelevant: Are these the same “Salvos” that discriminate against people in need on the basis of their sexuality (or do they only do that in America)?  Either way, what’s the relevance of this paragraph? Chaplains helping out after disasters and Christian charity work have nothing to do with exposing impressionable children to religious dogma.

Similarly, chaplaincy in schools is not new, having started in some states more  than 50 years ago, and chaplains have long been in the emergency services,  hospitals, the defence forces, and even professional sporting teams.

3) Argument from tradition: see above

The High Court Challenge threatens funding for more than 2500 chaplains across  Australia, and whether the current concerns spring from ideology or from a lack  of information, understanding the National School Chaplaincy Program is  important.

4a) Well, if you call a concern for the separation of Church and State “ideology”…

4b) We already understand the Program. It is the Program that is the problem, not the public’s understanding of it.

Importantly, having a school chaplain is voluntary. In the first instance, a  school community will decide whether it wants a chaplaincy service, and then  they agree on the faith background of the prospective chaplain. The reason that  the majority of school chaplains come from the Christian faith is because the  school community has made that collective choice.

5) Argument from popularity: otherwise refuted as, “just because everyone thinks it’s a good idea doesn’t mean it’s actually a good idea” (refer to racism and the argument from tradition, above). I bet that those schools didn’t ask the permission of every single parent before installing a Christian Chaplain. Manders acts like everyone is on board with the idea, which is weird – clearly everyone is not on board, or he wouldn’t be writing an article about it and there wouldn’t be a High Court challenge on the matter.

Nevertheless, no matter what the faith of the chaplain, they provide comfort and  support to all students and staff, regardless of their religious affiliation or  beliefs. People often make the mistake of equating religious education classes  with chaplaincy, however, the two are separate and distinct in role, function  and personnel.

6a) Blatant lie: If you were a teenager struggling with your sexuality, or having a crisis of faith and considering atheism, would you be stupid enough to go and see your school’s religious Chaplain? Do you really think they would offer you ‘comfort’ and ‘support’? A more useful way of supporting students and staff would be to put the money towards qualified counsellors and psychologists.

6b) Not entirely true: While there is a slight difference between chaplaincy and religious education, including either one in an educational institution gives religion the illusion of validity. By funding religious Chaplains, the government is lending weight to a religious world view. Imagine if schools paid people who believed in fairies and unicorns to provide ‘support’ for students, purely on the basis of their belief in said imaginary beings. I’m a big fan of fairies and unicorns and all things sparkly, but even I think the notion is ridiculous. Why is religion treated any differently? On what basis are these people qualified to provide guidance to kids?

A key piece of misinformation muddying the issue is the false assertion that  chaplains are there to proselytise. The inability, or unwillingness, to  differentiate between imposition of religious beliefs, and serving spiritual  needs, is fundamental to this confusion.

7) Even more blatant lie: This is the most moronic section in the whole article. Tim Mander’s ability to blithely ignore evidence is impressive and disturbing. That the school Chaplains are there to proselytise is not a false assertion: it is a fact supported by extensive evidence from the Chaplaincy program itself. (For example, see this news article regarding comments made by the head of Access Ministries, Evonne Paddison).

It doesn’t matter how many times Manders and others like him squawk “not-proselytising!” Denying reality does not change it. There is no ‘inability’ or ‘unwillingness’ on the part of secularists, and there is certainly no confusion. The agenda of Chaplains is very, very clear. To pretend otherwise is misleading. Perhaps someone needs to remind these people that lying is a sin.

A chaplain serves the community in a “first-response capacity” by providing pastoral care, spiritual support and referral pathways to access specialist crisis support.

They are able to do this as they are approachable, having a neutral, rather than disciplinary role.

8 ) Again, put yourself in the shoes of a student struggling with their sexuality and imagine just how ‘approachable’ a Christian Chaplain would be. Side note: I don’t care how open-minded and warmfuzzy some denominations are; they all go by the Bible, and the Bible condemns homosexuality as a sin. I have no idea how these people can possibly consider themselves to be ‘neutral’ when they have an agenda wider than the Nullabor.

A misrepresentation that often fuels suspicion or angst is the cost of the program. Rarely does it get pointed out that the annual funding for each school in the program is $20,000.

9) That’s $20,000 worth of Church-State-Separation-Fail.

The care of school communities is of critical importance, and unfortunately, the issue of whether chaplains are capable and qualified is awash with misunderstanding. It’s important for the community’s peace of mind to know that all chaplains employed by member organisations of the National School Chaplaincy Association (which employs 85 per cent of chaplains in government schools) have minimum training requirements, and they receive ongoing professional development.

10) Weirdly enough, “minimum training requirements” and “ongoing professional development” from institutions that believe in a magic man in the sky and the moral authority of the voices in their heads? Not reassuring to the saner folk among us. Not helping our “peace of mind”.

Importantly, qualified educational professionals overwhelmingly endorse the program. In a 2009 national survey it was found that 98 per cent of responding principals who had a chaplain in their school wanted government funding for school chaplaincy to continue.

11) … Look, pardon the French, but is this guy fucking stupid? Does he really think that principals who have already chosen to employ chaplains in their schools wouldn’t want government funding for it? Also, he’s conflating “qualified educational professionals” with “principals who had a chaplain in their school”, and I’m afraid I just can’t see the logical link between those two groups.

Whatever the outcome, one thing is sure: chaplains promote wellbeing in our community [No, they don’t], and we must find a way to keep them in schools. [Citation needed, buddy.]

Well, there’s the end of that exercise in simplistic literary criticism. If you’d like to read something to get the bad taste out of your mouth, I recommend Peter Fitzsimons’ response to an offended religious letter-writer. Onya, Fitz – my respect for you has duly increased.